Signs, signs everywhere signs

Some signs are easy to read.  Stop.  One way.  Dead end.

Some signs are not as easy to read.  Sometimes God gives you signs and you don't even realize they are signs.

Back up to the week before I went back to work.  I was in the shower (I do all of my best thinking in the shower.  Well, when I'm not singing) and I asked God to give me a sign on what I should do.  Stay home with Scott or go back to work.  I really wanted to stay home, but I knew financially it would be almost impossible.  I enjoy what I do at work, and I love the students and my friends, but I have some complaints about certain things.  I think that is typical, though, of all jobs.

It's my first week back and it's nice.  It's actually nice to be back.  I am getting back into the swing of things and then the postpartum stuff hits me.  I call the doctor and get some anti-depressants.  They are working wonders.

Fast forward now to last Friday.  I get called into my boss's office.  He informs me that, due to budget cuts, my position is being eliminated.  Wait, back-up.  What?  He is very sorry but the district just doesn't have the money.  I get angry.  The DISTRICT doesn't have the money?  Don't talk to me about not having money...now we are going to be a one-income family with a three month old baby, mortgage, car payment and a few miscellaneous small payments.  I didn't say that, of course, I just sat there and cried.  So many thoughts ran through my head but the biggest and scariest was "how are we going to pay our mortgage?"  Yeah, I wanted to stay home but like I said, it is pretty much a financial impossibility.  Until now.  If my position is being eliminated that means I am getting laid off and that means I can draw unemployment.  I am still angry and scared and worried about how I can help provide for my family.

The weekend gave me a lot of time to think.  Mandi, remember when you asked God to give you a sign about whether or not you should stay home or go back to work?  I think this is your sign.  Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I should be home with Scott.  I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, and if me being laid off wasn't part of God's plan for my life, I really do not believe it would have happened.  While what I can get from unemployment isn't going to be as much as I would make working, it will be enough to help us get by and figure out a budget.  We won't be paying day care.  I won't be paying all that gas money.  But most of all, I can be home with Scott and be the stay at home mom that I have wanted to be since he was born.

God does listen to our prayers; he does give us signs.  We just need to pay better attention to those signs.