All aboard!

The crazy train, that is.  It's here again, and when I looked back on when it happened with Scott it was around the three month mark.

At first when Noah came home things were great.  I wasn't exhausted.  Scott was really great.  Things were actually pretty easy.  But now I am tired all the time.  Scott has realized that Noah is going to be staying with us, he wasn't just a cute new thing here for a visit, and things seem harder than ever before.

Of course, there are a lot of other things.  I have a lot of anger and hatred in my heart and I don't want that.  I am also having some major image issues.  I was able to drop back down to pre-pregnancy weight fairly fast, but have gained weight in the last month.  I sometimes feel like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers: "I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat."  I have also been feeling completely overwhelmed and so incredibly unappreciated.  Unappreciated.  Yuck.  People who know me know it's not about gifts to me.  It's not about getting something, but Mother's Day came and went and I didn't even get a card.  Yes, I was told "Happy Mother's Day" but it isn't the same, you know?  That really hurt because being a mom is my job, it's the only thing I do, and I was just so shocked that I received nothing.  Now, for the sake of not sounding spoiled or something, I wasn't expecting any kind of gift.  But not even a card?  I have never felt that worthless before.

I have also been feeling like something huge is missing from my life.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my children, but sometimes I feel like I'm not contributing anything.

I did find a therapist and have seen her once already and have an appointment for tomorrow.  When I walked out of her office last week I felt like a new woman, so I am excited to see where our sessions go.

What is my point in sharing this?  I have no idea.  Maybe it's so that if someone else is going through what I am going through they will know they aren't alone?  Maybe it's so that I can vent these issues and get them off my chest?  I don't know.  I just know that I felt compelled to share this, so here it is....