I would love to be able to stay home with Scott. I think about him all day at day care and the cute things he does that I don't get to see anymore all day. I think about when he crawls for the first time and will it really be the first time he crawls? What if he crawled earlier that day at day care and I missed it? And his first steps? First words? While yes, you could argue that when I see them they will be firsts for me, but now every time he does something I am going to question whether or not it is actually the first time. I can't bear the thought that the first time he says "mama" might not be to me.
The best part of my day is at 4:15 - 4:20 when I pull up to day care and I see Scott. I stay at day care for about 10 minutes just holding him because I'm not ready to put him down yet. I think about him all day and I try to be strong and I try to act like I am fine but I'm not. I want more than anything to be home with him, to be a housewife/stay at home mom. Financially, it's impossible. There is just no way we could make it work.
I know that there are millions of moms who go back to work and their kids go to day care and they turn out just fine. I know that a lot of moms who go back to work turn out fine and are good mothers. I also know that I feel like I don't have enough quality time with him in the evening because I feel like there are a million things I need to do around the house and I don't have nearly enough time to do them. I dread going to bed because that means tomorrow will come soon and I will have to once again leave my son and that is something that is tougher and tougher every day.
I couldn't agree more, Mandi. It sure is tough when you have to go back to work knowing that your lil' guy will be in the hands of another. =( Luckliy I have family to watch my kids, so it isn't as bad. I adjusted well with Aiden and I pray I can do the same with my lil' girl that will be here soon. I do get to take 3 months off of work, but it never seems to be enough. I really wish that all mothers that wanted to could be at home or atleast only have to work when it was convenient for us, ya know? I hate that overwhelming feeling that we have to work because we depend on the money or the insurance. Maybe someday God will bless us with extra $$ or circumstances that allow us to be at home...and pray its not too late! All I can say is cherish every moment you have with your son. I give you credit for getting help and talking about your frustrations! It helps to know that we as mothers are not alone. Hang in there!!
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